As a life coach, I always advised my clients that to live a deeply full-filling life it is always important to have it be orientated around your true values. This can seem like a vague idea.

Our minds are used to quickly telling us that as long as we check the outward material boxes we will have succeeded.  Career highs – check, the dream car – check, the dream relationship, the best body shape – check, the best wardrobe / hand bag /shoe collection – check, lots of recognition from peers, family and social media – check

But unfortunately many discover too late that completing this check list doesn’t bring the fulfilment it promises.

Instead fulfilment is a feeling and long term feelings of self-confidence and success are generated from the inside out. There are no quick fixes for creating a dream life, its a journey of self-discovery because each persons fulfilment check list is truly unique.

What makes one person happy, may make you cringe inside. This is why discovering your personal true values is so important and why we never simply accept what other friends, family, society or the media tell us what we ‘should’ want.

Realise the only thing you need to change or control is yourself

You can’t control what is going on in the world and in your life, but you can control what you do next. You can control how you react to life’s circumstances and challenges. And you can retrain your mind to be in a place of peace rather than a state of stress as you navigate your way to finding out your true values.

Some habits that can help you do this:

• Stop listening to the news cycles 24/7 – filling your mind with an avalanche of conflicting messages only serves to confuse you and distract you from your real purpose.
• Spend quiet time with yourself. For the past 23 years I have been engaging in practicing meditation and contemplation through practices like journaling and taking mindful moments throughout each day.
• Stop thinking so much and practice on being fulfilled in the present moment.
• Stop basing how you feel on how others feel or look. Remember, comparison is the thief of joy.
• Step away from screens and find one thing in the real world you. like to do that genuinely brings you joy. Read a book, ground yourself in nature, learn a new sport like surfing, learn some creative art like cooking or jewellery making, listen to music and dance wildly in your living room.

Work on yourself in a meaningful way

While I have achieved some incredibly satisfying results in my business and relationships, what has given me the most satisfaction over the years is my own personal development, broadening my mind and gaining skills in many new ventures.  Learning, reading and experiencing breakthrough moments has inspired deep and rich personal growth and deep internal happiness.

I have worked everyday on myself to make sure that I have an expansive way of looking at things, to the point where I work to genuinely understand where a person comes from – be it in personal relationships, business experience, expertise or perspective. With an empathetic understanding of who they are, where they come from, and what makes them happy, I can communicate better and add meaningful value where I can which brings harmony to all aspects of my live.

Have a longe term plan based on your true values

If you look at any interview of highly successful person, you discover they are big picture, long term thinkers. They do not look at what the world is already doing, what the market is doing and what the the next 12 months will look like. This means they are are not forced to make quick, emotional and often uninformed decisions when things don’t go to plan.

The secret to going with the flow is to be able to stay in the present, while keeping your eye on the long goal no matter what is happening in the world outside,  Importantly, by having a value based goal means that you will be able to know intuitively which opportunities to take and which ones to let go by based on whether they align with you vision. Which leads us on to the next significant tip because if your goals are too specific, you may miss out on the hidden gems that life has planned for you because you aren’t able to vision big enough for yourself!

Set peace of mind as your highest goal and organise your life around it

As human beings, we are born with two inalienable freedoms…the ability to choose, and the ability to dream. I believe that true success is measured by personal happiness. I realised very early on in my career what was important to me: family, friendship, health and career. Friends that are loyal and I have a true connection with based on mutual values and interests, and family who give you the emotional support and freedom to follow your dreams.

It might sound too simplistic, but if you go back to the basics in life, you will find what truly makes you happy. it is so easy to discover, just by checking in with yourself each day and doing self-enquiry, which is known as ‘dyana’ in yoga practice. Self inquiry is a contemplative meditation technique where one focuses on a statement or question,and you free your mind from thoughts and opinions of others and even your own mind.  You simply ask the question and allow whaterver the answer is to come up without editing it.

This is a wonderful practice to start with journaling. Ask the question and then simply write down whatever comes up. no editing. This is how you start to excavate your true values from under the rubble of what the world thinks you should do or be like.

At first there may be a lot of babbling in your writing, but by keeping peace as your ultimate goal, a peaceful voice from within you will emerge and you will know when the answers from that voice start to appear. Then you will start to cultivate and understanding of what truly makes you happy – you’ll know where you want to go and the path to your dream life will be clearer. The result is clarity, less anxiety, empowerment and a happier, healthier you.